When Joy Became a Choice

When Joy Became a Choice

It happened in a flash

No, drop by silent drop 

Or maybe it happened not? 

Maybe I was always so? 

Bursting forth with joy

Then unrecognizable in 

The wrinkled brows of anger

The harsh laugh of contempt 

When did joy cease to come 

Without summons? 

When did it cease to win 

without trial?

Oh someone find my heart

And tell me where it has gone. 

Find the day it left find the 

One who holds it hostage

Tell me what ransom he wants

Tell me the price I must pay

For joy to win without trial 

For sorrow to fail to find me

I am the robber. I am the thief. 

I begged the world to come to me 

So I paid it its due and thought not

Of the cost paid no heed to the siren

Knowledge unreturned now forever

To know the sin and the forgiven

To whisper of the hopeless and the hope  

To find the wreckage of the world remade

Now I chase the golden light ever haunted

By the darkness I know must follow

Now I chose to find joy in the
smell of a field newly hayed
and the colors of you.